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TV’s Top 5 Gay Couples [Celebrity Hashtag w/ Brittany Lynn]

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Good morning my half baked hash browns!

I remember my early gay years watching in anticipation for the first gay male kiss to hit prime time tv-between Matt and his homo friend on Melrose Place-well those jitbags at Fox cut to commercial just as Matt’s lips touched what’s his face-it happened so fast America could barely scream EWWWWW gross before the scene ended. Was it really gonna be that bad for America?

So the real first gay kiss went to Roseanne and Muriel Hemingway-and it couldn’t have happened to two more handsome fellas-Mariel had tv’s second best moustache next to Tom Sellick. Fast forward to today’s prime time and you people now can get enough of our gay, sloppy parts wiping on each other-thanks Queer as Folk-tou showed all our secrets and made everyone gay-you also made ketamine popular and now I’m out of dealers!

Did you see How to Get Away with Murder w/Connor? TV hasn’t shown that much gay semen since McHale’s Navy!

So I thought-who were all of Tv’s greatest same sex couples that might have eased out way into the homo highway of love? Let’s check em out…

Our first couple not only lived in everyone’s neighborhood, but they were Tv’s first interracial couple-orange and yellow-yes kids Bert and Ernie-we all know these two guys who lived in a single bedroom since the 70’s were the gayest things on Sesame Street-known for having a big bird. Bert is definitely the controlling daddy with a unibrow who keeps his twink Ernie under control at all times. In close to 40 years I’ve never seen either one of them leave their apartment and Ernie is never allowed to have other friends or visitors. Sounds like the typical gay couple to me. Who knows what the hell they do behind their doors all day? And what respectable gays only have one outift? What do they eat? Prolly why Bert, “loves his pigeons.” Either way, I steer clear of these homo puppets, they both have a stick up their ass! (Ba dum bump!)

Meanwhile over at the Eastland School for Girls, also know as Lesbo Town, Tv’s butchiest broad was playing hard to get with prime time’s first lipstick lesbian. Move over Ellen and Portia, Jo and Blair from the facts of life was Tv’s first yet closeted lesbian couple. Living together at an all girls school with a field hockey team, Jo sported the flannel and worked all day on her Harley bike while Blair just wanted to go shopping and buy makeup-both of these girls had young teen princesses wetter than spring. Do we even mention the forbidden love between Tootie and the future gym teacher known as Natalie? Just take down the Eastland name and slap a Home Depot sign on it already-as Misses Garrett would say “girls, girls, girls!”…

Nothing gets two men closer than a romantic three hour tour at sea-yes a three hour tour…But the weather started getting rough and our next prime time, same sex couple-the Skipper and Gilligan got to experience their long term relationship on a deserted island for 20 years-how do we know they were gay? They were stranded with a beautiful country girl and a Hollywood actress, yet they rubbed their coconuts together in small shack with two slings in it. They sometimes let the professor come over for what he called “studying purposes”. I can only imagine what they did at night with all those bananas which covered the whole island. But the skipper prolly needed them, since he always referred to Gilligan as his “little buddy…”

Thank you for being a friend had a whole new meaning with these silver labia lined ladies. One is slutty, one is witty, one from St. Olaf, and they all like titty! These ladies-Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose are all divorcees and widowers that live together in the sunny state and spend most of their time sitting in their lingerie eating out pussy’s-Pussy’s famous cheesecake of course (show picture of a box of cheesecake with Pussy’s on it)-while giving each other some nip slips with their coffee. If American pie taught us that making love to an apple pie resembles everything about heterosexual sex for young men-that what does that say about four elderly women and gooey cheesecake provided by Sophia, the house madam…ewwwwwww made myself vomit with that one…

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