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Malicious Fecal Distribution

Poop Jogger

No it’s not the name of some West Philly crust-punk band, it’s big news in Albuquerque:

A resident of Nob Hill, New Mexico has caught an as-yet unidentified woman on camera repeatedly defecating in his yard during her morning run. According to KOAT, the man, who did not want his identity revealed, at first thought a homeless person had relieved themselves on the spot, but then it happened again, and then twice more, most recently this past weekend.

“This is malicious fecal distribution,” he told reporters.

In the video, he said, the young, blond-haired woman runs into the alley by his house, “drops her pants, lets go, puts her shorts back up without any wipe, nothing else” and then runs away.

You can watch the shitter here:

What does this have to do with Philadelphia? Well, we here at Scrapple are hopeless romantics. We’ve always believed there’s someone for everyone, and so we’d like to introduce the Albuquerque poop-jogger to Philadelphia’s now legendary crapping cabbie. Maybe they’ll get married and have ACTUAL kids to drop off at the pool!

We just don’t want to go on the honeymoon. Or to the wedding reception for that matter. God only knows what the cake would be made of…

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