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Halloween Costumes, Ebola Threat, 2016 Presidential Candidates [Scrapple TV News]

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From high atop the scrapple news tower in downtown philadelphia; I’m ap ticker and this money shot of headlines is aimed right at your face.

We begin with the big one – McCaffery will step down from the PA Supreme Court due to his involvement in pornogate. The irony of a republican judge being brought down by an invasion of privacy isn’t lost on me. But it’s really great to see an awful law work out for the better this time.

The Philadelphia police confiscated 30 illegal dirt bike and ATVs this month. How’d the boys in blue do it? With an off road squad of bmx bad asses. Next time you hear that annoying engine buzzing down your street rest assure it isn’t a bunch of asshole kids. It’s a bunch of asshole cops.

Michigan police arrested 54 year old man Monday morning when neighbors complained that he had fired a pellet gun into the streets and loudly playing a trombone. Authorities found the man drunk in his garage wearing a clown mask and camo pants.

What’s the problem? Since when is it a crime to celebrate Halloween?

Speaking of cops and costumes, Camden police are on the lookout for a gunman accused of shooting an 18 year old at a Halloween party. Authorities emphasize that the victim was dressed up as Ray Rice and “totally deserved it”.

I saw a few Sexy Ebola Nurses out there…. classy.

A doctor who lives in New York City has been diagnosed with Ebola. Looks like Ebola is trying to re-brand as a disease for rich people.

The Ebola victim rode subways, walked the High Line, went bowling at The Gutter in Brooklyn and also went to Brooklyn Bowl just a few days before showing symptoms.

What kind of sicko goes bowling TWICE in one night?

The Gutter bowling alley released a statement pledging to work with the city health department to “have the bar cleaned and sanitized” as a precautionary measure. In reality they’ll probably just change their name and start charging to infect you.

The Texas hospital that treated Thomas Eric Duncan – the Liberian man who died of Ebola earlier this month — ran a full-page ad in local newspapers to apologize for sending him home when he first sought treatment. It was black and white and red all over.

Meanwhile, in the dirty Jerz, nurse Kaci Hickox has been held in medical quarantine after treating Ebola patients in Sierra Leone. She was released when Governor Christie decided to use her giant, plastic isolation bubble to brine a chicken.

It was a fruitless effort to slake his thirst for fatty foods and human suffering.

Speaking of the misery of existence… 2016 Presidential hopefuls are gearing up to announce their candidacies, and experts predict another Bush Boy is certain to run. Boring. So, 2001. If you wanna be retro, let’s really go for it. Consider those forgotten presidential dynasties. What are the Roosevelts up to? or an Adams? Someone find the great grandson of Billy Taft.

If you’re looking to put the fire of leadership in your belly then allow me to suggest the bitter taste of Newbold IPA from those filthy aristocrats at Philadelphia Brewing Company. Why just six bottles of this bold booze will turn you into a leader of men… A whole case could make you president of the united states. Hey, stranger shit has happened.

Scrapple TV News week of October 27, 2014

Scrapple News written by:
Scott Colan, Steve Galley, Brendan Skwire, Alison Zeidman, John Zito
Shot by: Marc Brodzik
Edited by: Andrew Geller

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